Not bad huh? I feel very proud of my work.. And I dont believe in false humility  

I loved spending time and correcting the sketch, the colors, the strokes and mixing the paints and neutralising the textures… I enjoyed perfecting my picture as much as creating it… God also loves perfecting me as much as He loved creating me… God says “I’ve known you even before you were formed in your mother’s womb”… Its like He had a vision of who I should be and He started painting my life… a few paint strokes every day… It has always been hard for me to be patient and persevere to overcome all the sins in me that keep showing itself up from time to time… But my God who perfects me is patient and a great painter! Thank God!

I also noticed that there were some paints in the picture that didnt seem to go well together initially.. But it went great when I looked at the whole picture… Just like how certain things in life dont make sense initially… but only the creator who can see the bigger picture can understand…  The white dress that girl is wearing in my painting kept getting dirty with all the green and brown I had to paint around it… But God promises that thought our sins are like scarlet, He will make them as white as snow… But just like in a painting, if wax falls on the paper, its not possible to paint, because the paint wouldn’t stick to the paper till the wax is removed… So also when sin is there in our lives God cant dwell in us till the sin is removed… The more often we play with wax/ sin, the longer it takes for Him to remove the wax/ sin and perfect the painting…

I have heard so often that God loves you.. delights in you.. and so on.. But I have struggled to really understand how He could delight in me/ us who are so full of nonsense! But when I painted this picture and ceated something colorful and beautiful on a plain sheet of paper, I realised how much I could love my hands work inspite of its imperfetions… And so I have a small glimpse of how much God delights in me inspite of my imperfections… and is waiting to perfect me too… So relax and rest in His love… like the girl in my painting

If I didnt have so much to clean, I could have slept before  4:00 am.

If I had slept earlier, I could have woken up earlier.

If I had woken up earlier, I wouldn’t have been in a hurry and I wouldn’t have forgotten to take my watch and my mobile.

If I had my watch to check the time, I would have known that I had enough time to reach the airport and didnt have to drive fast.

If I wasn’t in a hurry, I wouldn’t have bothered to tell my husband to overtake the truck.

If we weren’t overtaking the truck, we would have more time to see the car speeding towards us.

If we had seen the car speeding towards us earlier, they wouldn’t have blinked their headlights on us driving left and right and left and right!

If they had just slowed down instead of blinking their headlights and confusing us, we wouldn’t have freaked out.

If I had not freaked out, I wouldnt have gone blank and would have told/ helped my husband to drive towards the left and get back behind the truck.

If we had got back behind the truck we wouldn’t have HIT the other car HEAD ON!

If we didnt meet with this accident we didnt have to get into a fight with those college guys speeding in their influential/ gunda/ big shot dad’s car.

If the car didnt belong to this man with holds in the corrupt political world, we could have arranged for the damage cost through insurance claim as simple citizens of India.

If we had sorted the matter through insurance, we didnt have to spend so much money from our own tiny pocket.

If we had saved up a lil extra every month, our pockets wouldn’t have been so tiny.

But then again…

If my husband didnt have that gut feeling that something was going to happen to me, he wouldn’t have asked me to put on the seat belt.

If he didn’t tell me to put on the seat belt, I wouldn’t have put it on cause I dont have the habit to do it.

If I hadn’t put on the seat belt, I would have either had a major head injury or died.

If I died like that, no good would come out of it.

If Jesus didn’t die on the cross for my sins, then I would be doomed!

But thank God for Jesus who died on the cross for our sins, cause that changes all the “If I had”… and brings HOPE.

I chose to quit my job for a while and enjoy the honeymoon period after my wedding… I chose to be a housewife for a while so I could get used to the cooking and the other household duties and being their for my husband when he is back from work… I soon realised that being a housewife is a fulltime job by itself, though not as rewarding as a corporate job, it was best for the family and in turn for me! My husband earns enought for the both of us, so I could choose not to go out for a job and do my share at home. But the world that preaches equality for women will not let me enjoy this privilege… According to them the wife had to work to prove her independence and equality to men even if she doesnot feel the need for it… Many even assumed that it was not a choice by the wife to stay at home, but the result of a supressive husband! Being a person with an addiction for approval, I started looking for suitable jobs…

The priority for a good wife/mother is to be there for her family. But with the world that preaches equality of men and women, there were no jobs tailered for the needs of a wife/mother anymore. The working hours of all the jobs available are too long that by the time I get back home, I am too tired to cook for my family and wash plates and clean the house and be there for my kids ( when I have kids!)… And most importantly, a tired woman cannot appreciate her husband’s ‘act of love’ at night as much as a women who had the whole day to do the household duties and by evening she is ready and waiting to welcome him back home. 

The fact remains that there are many families where both the parents work and they still manage to survive in this world! There are many who sell their duty of taking care of their kids to a housemaid… there are a few who manage to juggle all the work themselves and are drained out by the end of day… and a rare few like my mother who are blessed with a job that are not too demanding and so gives them enough time for the family! But in general, women struggle to get such a job. Why? Because in the fight for the rights of women, they got carried away and started fighting to be treated as men! No matter what they say, men and women are not the same… so fighting for equality is overrated! Men have an inbuilt desire to be the breadwinner for the family and women have an inbuilt desire for nurturing and being there for the family. That is more important to her than a job that gives her the status of ‘independence and equality’. Women’s rights have definitly benefited many who were suppressed for ages, but it has also created a society that no more appreciates a women who does what her instincts tell her to do. She is expected to stand shoulder to shoulder with men and breed children whose needs are met by housemaids more than their own mother!

What made me write is that the movie made me think of a kingdom…. We, in a democratic society… (or so we call ourselves) cannot easily understand the kingdom principles… We might not even appreciate the kingdom principle…. Of one man having the authority to rule… Or would we ??!!  With the financial recession, people are talking about putting one man in charge of providing a global economic solution… and soon about a global religion to avoid division based on religion… a man who can bring global peace … Do you think we will agree to give power to one man for a global solution ?!!!  Well it might be a slow process… like we might trust a bunch of leaders to work together and unite the world…. and then a global organization may be… which might eventualy lead to a global leader!

If it comes true, wouldn’t that just lead us all to what the Bible prophesies in the book of Revelation??… of 10 kings who will give their authority to  ‘one man’ to rule the world in the end times and soon be revealed as the ‘Anti Christ’?!  Cause kingdom principle gives a lot of power to the king… and I don’t think any human can handle that kind of power… only God can… But what do you think??? We might fall for it???

Well its a prophesy in the Bible…  its sure to happen… Mighnot happen the way we think it will.. or when we think it will… May be in our life time or may be the next generation???  But when these things happen, know that the end is near… and we need to be ready for the true King of all Kings… cause the pseudo peace that the world offers will fade away and we want to be in the kingdom of the victorious King! Not the temporary one….

Also… are we prepared to give our rights of democracy for a kingdom? Would you agree for a global leader? Well its good to be prepared cause the King who is worthy to be King will reveal Himself to everyone soon and all knees shall bow and every tongue shall confess that Jesus Christ is Lord!

I guess we all get attracted to our opposite personalities. I admire his deep voice that resound with authority, when I am the quite type looking for security. I admire how he is self motivated when I struggle with low self image. He looks at the bigger picture and is amazed at my eye for details… He admires how I am sensitive to people’s need which he fails to notice… He likes to lead and I like to follow. He has a need for change and admires my creativity. The list could go on and on…

But for some reason, we start seeing less of our own weakness and more of our partners weakness after marriage! The same things that once attracted you to each other becomes the reason for friction after marriage… Your eye for details make you realize he doesn’t fullfill your small small dreams… but he doesn’t understand why you dont see the bigger picture that he is working so hard to keep you happy! You suddenly realize that you dont agree with almost anything…

When we stop and kill the self, we will have a better life… a better marriage… There is no perfect person… With every set of strengths come accompanying weaknesses. Its like we subconsciously choose a person who fills in our weak areas so that the two of us fit together and become one! When we focus on each others assets, instead of the weakness we will be able to fill each other’s empty spaces!

If you wish to see the different strengths and weaknesses of your personality type visit the website http://www.wedplan.com/plan_answers.php 

God Bless!

The next day he said he wanted to watch the old movie “Bombay”… and we watched it… Huh!!! I guess he wanted me to see the seriousness of having a baby through that movie… or may be it was just a coincidence that the movie showed the dangers that kids went through in this crazy world that we live in now…

For those who haven’t seen the movie, its about a hindu guy, Shekhar who falls in love with a muslim girl, Shaila… Their families opose this relationship, but due to the pressure they leave to Bombay and get married… A few months later, Shaila becomes pregnant and gives birth to twins, Kabir Narayan and Kamal Basheer. The twins are raised in both religions.  Meanwhile, in India, religious extremism launches each community against the other, causing a wave of Hindu/Muslim riots that leave hundreds dead in Bombay. The grandparents come to Bombay out of concern for their children and grandchildren… The family is united again… However, during this tensed situation, the parents of Shekhar and Shaila get burnt in their house by the religious extremists and they lose their children in the city twice… They eventually get their children back… but the kids are totaly scared and shattered… and so is the whole family!

Say its coincidence… but I’ve been seeing so many movies recently and all that shows how corrupted the society is and how dangerous it is especially for kids… To name a few of the movies I saw recently, the hindi movie ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ and a little old tamil movie ‘Anniyan’…

Now I am thinking twice about having kids… the responsiility that comes with it… and the helpless situations that we may come across in this world with the little ones!!!

Only one hope we have in such a scarey world… Its the song I heard for the New Year Service by William. J. Gaither that comes to mind…

“   How sweet to hold a newborn baby,
    And feel the pride and joy he gives;
    But greater still the calm assurance:
    This child can face uncertain days because He Lives!

Chorus
     Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
     Because He lives, all fear is gone;
     Because I know He holds the future,
     And life is worth the living,
     Just because He lives!                        ”

I got this forwarded sms a while back. And thats all I can think of, so here it is..

“Absence must be long enough so that somebody misses you… But it should not be too long, that somebody learns to live without you….. So keep in touch.”

It might apply to many friends… family members… some special friends… some not so special … But remember it also applies to you…You might soon learn to live without them… Is there someone you know you can’t live without… and yet you don’t keep in touch with them??? … and give reasons like busy/ lazy and others more creative?!!!

I can afort to live without most people… but not without God… Dont stay away from God for too long that you learn to live without Him…. You will die in the process and you will not even realize it….

I’ve heard a story about peope from some place where they eat frogs… They say, if you put a live frog in hot water, it will jump out of it… it knows it will die…. But if you put a live frog is a cool water and slowly heat it up… the frog will not realize that the water is getting warm and by the time it does… its too late cause it does not have the energy to jump out!!! Soon its a meal to feast on… Staying away from God for too long is like that… you wouldn’t even realize that you are away and you will learn to live without Him… and one fine day you’ll wake up and realize you are on your way to hell…

My pastor said last sunday… make God your dwelling place… not a visiting place… Its so true…

So keep in touch……… with your creator!

Blessings!

Before you make a big deal about this, please give me a chance to explain… My first husband is the one I truely love… But he allowed me to get married again… He said that a proper marriage in the eyes of the world and living with a man would help me know him (my first husband)  better… He loved me so much and always wanted me to know his love/ him more and more… He said… “My lovely one… for eternity… I want you to know me..” I have never met someone like him… His ways are beyond my understanding… and he lead me to marry this man… my second husband … I would like to keep his identity a secret in this blog, so I will refer to him as ’Ariel’… But I will declare the name of my first husband… He is known by many names… some call him Jehovah Jireh cause he provides for them.. some call him Jehovah Rophe.. cause he is a healer to them.. I mostly call him ‘Jesus’… my saviour…

When I got married, I had to loose my name that I had all my life and add Ariel’s name to myself… It was a change in identity that was difficult to get used to… Jesus said… “This you must understand my dear that to be my bride, you must loose yourself… die to yourself everyday and take on the new identity that I give you… ” I understood the significance of this change when I went to the middle east with Ariel… That was the place where his father lived and I was allowed to enter this foreign land just because I was Mrs Ariel… Jesus said, “There is only one name that can give you the visa to enter my father’s kingdom, and that is my name!”

I was amazed at the truth and he continued to teach me more about himself… I had to stop working after marriage as I moved home… Now I depended on Ariel for the simplest of things like buying food, to traveling, to the place to stay and so on… Jesus said, ” I expect a total dependence on me when you are my bride…all that I have belongs to you… ask and you will receive”… I was amazed at the promise… I know I can ask for anything Ariel had and he would give me… But to get anything that Jesus had… he has everything… and if I have that promise… I can truely have anything… But ofcourse as a true wife I wouldn’t ask for something that he would not be pleased with… and I know that as a superb husband he will not keep me from having what I need… There are many who marry for the money of the husband but Jesus knows the heart of all and he will choose his wife accordingly!

The other day I went out to meet my cousins… I was caught up in traffic and was very late to reach back home… Ariel was very upset that I went out late and he wouldn’t speak to me for a while… I was surprised at his anger and asked him why he was so concerned.. that it was my life…. Then he looked up to me and said that I was a treasure to him and I shouldn’t be so careless with his treasure… My eyes were filled with tears of joy and hug him in awe of his love… Later Jesus told me that Ariel loved me so much and I was a treasure to him though the price he paid for me was very little… He said, “How much more have I paid for you my love… I paid my life for you.. you are so precious to me.. and yet so often you are so careless with yourself… my treasure… Everytime you play with sin and take your life lightly, you are being careless with My treasure”.

Many such incidents have taught me more and more about my Jesus… He will continue to teach me for eternity… In the mean time I love my Ariel cause he is not only my husband, but my gift from Jesus… a reflection … a poor reflection… of the love that Jesus has for me…    

Love you sweetheart (s)

Blessed with an amazing husband, loving friends, supportive family, decent social status, a number of talents, good health, financial comfort,  and all that one could ask for, I don’t have much to complain about life… But ofcourse, the normal human that I am, I do manage to rant everyday… Recently I put the blame on ‘Facebook’ as my temptor/ weapon of the devil … I am guilty of spending many hours of my day browsing through the photos of my friends /acquaintance… far and near… in facebook … and turn back thinking.. Wow… what a life they have… and my life stinks!! Since the reasons might appear silly, I shall not mention them here… But to state a few examples… ”all the photos look so good.. they must be having so much fun all the time.. why is my life so boring?” … “They look picture perfect all the time.. why is my hair so messy??”… 

I know ranting isn’t the best of things to do, but ofcourse the pleasure of quoting all that I wish I had is something too soothing to avoid. And we all seem to have atleast one person in our small world / facebook / orkut .. e.t.c… who have what we want… or atleast seem like it!!  And that someone knows someone else who has what he always wanted. And nothing we get seem to quite satisfy us for more than a while.  Its like we are all a bottom less pit that can never be satisfied inspite of getting what we craved for just a few minutes back!  But godliness with contentment is great gain! (1 Tim 6:6)

Its amazing that God is actually molding a bride out of me / us for Himself… If I were God, I would have given up on myself long back and created a wife with all the divine qualities and lived happily ever after. But Im glad Im just me, and Jesus is God, and He was so crazy that He died to take all the punishment that I deserve, just so that He can have me, the messed up girl that I am… Give me beauty for ashes and make me / us His bride.

If you have life.. then you are privileged… There are too many who dont have a tomorrow to look forward to… If you have life you still have hope… If you are reading this blog, you must realize there are many who don’t have this privilege of technological advancements.

Count your blessings, name them one by one…

And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.

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