It was one of those Sundays where I was finding it so difficult to just worship the Lord. I do not remember if it was some anxiety about something that distracted me or the usual self- criticism that got me too low to focus on anything else but myself. May be it was the people sitting next to me who were being too distracting in the church. Or some baby crying ? Was it my baby girl crying? Or may be it was the worship team! It is so easy to put the blame everywhere else. Isn’t it? Anyway, I do remember feeling so distracted, standing with the rest of the church singing some beautiful worship songs, yet thinking to myself what am I doing?
My eyes wandered here and there scanning for friends to meet after service, for something more interesting. Not that I did not want to worship. But I just could not focus. I’m sure I tried to close my eyes and focus. That usually helps. But this day it did not. I just did not feel anything from God. As my eyes continued to wander, I noticed some pigeons flying around near the shed. I’m sure I have seen them before. But there was this one pigeon watching. Watching me! Looking straight at me! I looked back. It was still watching me.. All the other pigeons were flying around, jumping from one post to another. But this one was watching me.
And all of a sudden I was in tears. I could hear the still small voice of the Lord saying that He is watching me, waiting to hear my worship, and I was ignoring him. He was there! Waiting! But I did not see him. He was as real as the Pigeon watching me, yet my eyes did not see him. When the reality of God being with us, El-Shaddai is revealed to us, no other distractions mattered. I could thank Him for that little Pigeon He used to talk to me. I could thank Him for letting me know that I’m loved enough to be sought after.
I did look back at the end of the service to check if that pigeon was still watching me. But I could not find it. But I know my Lord is watching over me still 🙂 Ever since that day, whenever I find it distracting to worship, I close my eyes and remember the Pigeon that stared at me and remind myself that my Lord is here, and there is nothing else that can distract me from giving Him all my worship 🙂
“For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities–his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God.” – Romans 1:20