Lessons from Painting

Recently, my husband gifted me a sketch pad, a box of poster colors and paint brushes on our anniversary… I was thrilled to learn a new art and I decided to do some reserach on it. I was surprised to see so many Youtube videos on painting lessons and any other lessons for that matter! We are definitly a blessed generation, atleast when it comes to technology. After a few videos, I decided that just watching is no good. Its like studing theology, going to all the conventions, watching God TV all day long, but not living the life of a true christian. So I decided to put the brush on the paper… And here goes my first attempt at painting…

 

Not bad huh? I feel very proud of my work.. And I dont believe in false humility  

I loved spending time and correcting the sketch, the colors, the strokes and mixing the paints and neutralising the textures… I enjoyed perfecting my picture as much as creating it… God also loves perfecting me as much as He loved creating me… God says “I’ve known you even before you were formed in your mother’s womb”… Its like He had a vision of who I should be and He started painting my life… a few paint strokes every day… It has always been hard for me to be patient and persevere to overcome all the sins in me that keep showing itself up from time to time… But my God who perfects me is patient and a great painter! Thank God!

I also noticed that there were some paints in the picture that didnt seem to go well together initially.. But it went great when I looked at the whole picture… Just like how certain things in life dont make sense initially… but only the creator who can see the bigger picture can understand…  The white dress that girl is wearing in my painting kept getting dirty with all the green and brown I had to paint around it… But God promises that thought our sins are like scarlet, He will make them as white as snow… But just like in a painting, if wax falls on the paper, its not possible to paint, because the paint wouldn’t stick to the paper till the wax is removed… So also when sin is there in our lives God cant dwell in us till the sin is removed… The more often we play with wax/ sin, the longer it takes for Him to remove the wax/ sin and perfect the painting…

I have heard so often that God loves you.. delights in you.. and so on.. But I have struggled to really understand how He could delight in me/ us who are so full of nonsense! But when I painted this picture and ceated something colorful and beautiful on a plain sheet of paper, I realised how much I could love my hands work inspite of its imperfetions… And so I have a small glimpse of how much God delights in me inspite of my imperfections… and is waiting to perfect me too… So relax and rest in His love… like the girl in my painting

If I had…

If I had cleaned the house daily, then I wouldn’t have had so much to do in one night.

If I didnt have so much to clean, I could have slept before  4:00 am.

If I had slept earlier, I could have woken up earlier.

If I had woken up earlier, I wouldn’t have been in a hurry and I wouldn’t have forgotten to take my watch and my mobile.

If I had my watch to check the time, I would have known that I had enough time to reach the airport and didnt have to drive fast.

If I wasn’t in a hurry, I wouldn’t have bothered to tell my husband to overtake the truck.

If we weren’t overtaking the truck, we would have more time to see the car speeding towards us.

If we had seen the car speeding towards us earlier, they wouldn’t have blinked their headlights on us driving left and right and left and right!

If they had just slowed down instead of blinking their headlights and confusing us, we wouldn’t have freaked out.

If I had not freaked out, I wouldnt have gone blank and would have told/ helped my husband to drive towards the left and get back behind the truck.

If we had got back behind the truck we wouldn’t have HIT the other car HEAD ON!

If we didnt meet with this accident we didnt have to get into a fight with those college guys speeding in their influential/ gunda/ big shot dad’s car.

If the car didnt belong to this man with holds in the corrupt political world, we could have arranged for the damage cost through insurance claim as simple citizens of India.

If we had sorted the matter through insurance, we didnt have to spend so much money from our own tiny pocket.

If we had saved up a lil extra every month, our pockets wouldn’t have been so tiny.

But then again…

If my husband didnt have that gut feeling that something was going to happen to me, he wouldn’t have asked me to put on the seat belt.

If he didn’t tell me to put on the seat belt, I wouldn’t have put it on cause I dont have the habit to do it.

If I hadn’t put on the seat belt, I would have either had a major head injury or died.

If I died like that, no good would come out of it.

If Jesus didn’t die on the cross for my sins, then I would be doomed!

But thank God for Jesus who died on the cross for our sins, cause that changes all the “If I had”… and brings HOPE.

A Housewife’s struggle in a world that preaches Equality for Women

As a young girl of the 21st century, I enjoyed the benefits of women’s rights. I had the privilege of going to school, college and employment in a multi national company earning almost 10 times more than what my mother earned when she was my age! Being a daughter was never a disadvantage over being a son. And unlike the old times when the family chose the guy with whom a girl should spend the rest of her life with and got to see him only on the wedding night, I could marry my love with the blessing of both our families and the society! I am grateful to the benefits of women’s rights that many have fought for. But now I struggle with a few of its consequences.

I chose to quit my job for a while and enjoy the honeymoon period after my wedding… I chose to be a housewife for a while so I could get used to the cooking and the other household duties and being their for my husband when he is back from work… I soon realised that being a housewife is a fulltime job by itself, though not as rewarding as a corporate job, it was best for the family and in turn for me! My husband earns enought for the both of us, so I could choose not to go out for a job and do my share at home. But the world that preaches equality for women will not let me enjoy this privilege… According to them the wife had to work to prove her independence and equality to men even if she doesnot feel the need for it… Many even assumed that it was not a choice by the wife to stay at home, but the result of a supressive husband! Being a person with an addiction for approval, I started looking for suitable jobs…

The priority for a good wife/mother is to be there for her family. But with the world that preaches equality of men and women, there were no jobs tailered for the needs of a wife/mother anymore. The working hours of all the jobs available are too long that by the time I get back home, I am too tired to cook for my family and wash plates and clean the house and be there for my kids ( when I have kids!)… And most importantly, a tired woman cannot appreciate her husband’s ‘act of love’ at night as much as a women who had the whole day to do the household duties and by evening she is ready and waiting to welcome him back home. 

The fact remains that there are many families where both the parents work and they still manage to survive in this world! There are many who sell their duty of taking care of their kids to a housemaid… there are a few who manage to juggle all the work themselves and are drained out by the end of day… and a rare few like my mother who are blessed with a job that are not too demanding and so gives them enough time for the family! But in general, women struggle to get such a job. Why? Because in the fight for the rights of women, they got carried away and started fighting to be treated as men! No matter what they say, men and women are not the same… so fighting for equality is overrated! Men have an inbuilt desire to be the breadwinner for the family and women have an inbuilt desire for nurturing and being there for the family. That is more important to her than a job that gives her the status of ‘independence and equality’. Women’s rights have definitly benefited many who were suppressed for ages, but it has also created a society that no more appreciates a women who does what her instincts tell her to do. She is expected to stand shoulder to shoulder with men and breed children whose needs are met by housemaids more than their own mother!

Would you agree for a kingdom over democracy?

I saw the movie Jodha Akbar some time back… I don’t want to comment much about the movie, except that I like Aiswarya Rai in traditional Indian attire and I liked the song Khwaja Mere Khwaja. I have no idea what it means, but a very pleasant music and a good change to the ears from the typical Hindi film songs! I hope the meaning of the song doesn’t change my opinion about liking the song!!!

 

What made me write is that the movie made me think of a kingdom…. We, in a democratic society… (or so we call ourselves) cannot easily understand the kingdom principles… We might not even appreciate the kingdom principle…. Of one man having the authority to rule… Or would we ??!!  With the financial recession, people are talking about putting one man in charge of providing a global economic solution… and soon about a global religion to avoid division based on religion… a man who can bring global peace … Do you think we will agree to give power to one man for a global solution ?!!!  Well it might be a slow process… like we might trust a bunch of leaders to work together and unite the world…. and then a global organization may be… which might eventualy lead to a global leader!

 

If it comes true, wouldn’t that just lead us all to what the Bible prophesies in the book of Revelation??… of 10 kings who will give their authority to  ‘one man’ to rule the world in the end times and soon be revealed as the ‘Anti Christ’?!  Cause kingdom principle gives a lot of power to the king… and I don’t think any human can handle that kind of power… only God can… But what do you think??? We might fall for it???

 

Well its a prophesy in the Bible…  its sure to happen… Mighnot happen the way we think it will.. or when we think it will… May be in our life time or may be the next generation???  But when these things happen, know that the end is near… and we need to be ready for the true King of all Kings… cause the pseudo peace that the world offers will fade away and we want to be in the kingdom of the victorious King! Not the temporary one….

 

Also… are we prepared to give our rights of democracy for a kingdom? Would you agree for a global leader? Well its good to be prepared cause the King who is worthy to be King will reveal Himself to everyone soon and all knees shall bow and every tongue shall confess that Jesus Christ is Lord!

Opposites attract, but after marriage??!!

I took a personality test recently and turns out, I am a Melancholic person. I wasn’t very surprised! When my husband came back from work, I asked him to take the same test… and guess what, he is a Choleric person! The exact opposite of my personality! 

I guess we all get attracted to our opposite personalities. I admire his deep voice that resound with authority, when I am the quite type looking for security. I admire how he is self motivated when I struggle with low self image. He looks at the bigger picture and is amazed at my eye for details… He admires how I am sensitive to people’s need which he fails to notice… He likes to lead and I like to follow. He has a need for change and admires my creativity. The list could go on and on…

But for some reason, we start seeing less of our own weakness and more of our partners weakness after marriage! The same things that once attracted you to each other becomes the reason for friction after marriage… Your eye for details make you realize he doesn’t fullfill your small small dreams… but he doesn’t understand why you dont see the bigger picture that he is working so hard to keep you happy! You suddenly realize that you dont agree with almost anything…

When we stop and kill the self, we will have a better life… a better marriage… There is no perfect person… With every set of strengths come accompanying weaknesses. Its like we subconsciously choose a person who fills in our weak areas so that the two of us fit together and become one! When we focus on each others assets, instead of the weakness we will be able to fill each other’s empty spaces!

If you wish to see the different strengths and weaknesses of your personality type visit the website http://www.wedplan.com/plan_answers.php 

God Bless!

Her lonely loooooooooong day……………….

She knew she had a long dream… but she couldn’t remember what it was when she woke up… She pondered her mind to recollect the few scenes in her dream… Splashed some water on her face, still trying to remember the dream… Didn’t know why, but she did this every morning… as though remembering her dreams would bring some meaning to her life… some insight into what she really wanted…

Walked to the same bus stop… saw the same familiar faces with unknown names …  The fashionable lady she observed everyday was today wearing a white sleevless shirt with a black silky skirt and a bold red shoes… She knew she would never wear them… but still found the lady very fashionable!  Thinking of doing some shopping the weekend, the bus came and dropped her for work… 

On reaching office, she smiled at a few faces to hide the wierd feeling that always came inside her on seeing too many unknown faces … She searched for a vacant seat and settled down quickly in front of a computer… Work went on and on… Lunch from the same old food court… Sitting all alone with people walking and talking all around her… A few guys would look at her.. she was pretty and they gave her a teasing smile… She would ignore the look and turn the other side… There were also a few friendly faces who would look to invite her into the group… but she would turn away from them as well… She didnt know why she would avoid being friendly… She had so many friends back home… but here she just turned away as if she never saw them… and started playing with her mobile, acting busy…

After work she would run for the 5:30 bus when others would stay back, chat a little with friends, have some snack and catch the 6:30 bus! She had nothing to do going back home… but she had nothing to do staying at office either… She ran and jumped on the first bus that had just started to move… This was the bus she always caught.. and was happy she didn’t miss it today either… Panting for breath she walked in to see all the seats were occupied… Feeling a bit awkward being the only one standing and everyone looking at her… she turned to face the front mirror to try and relax… A deep comforting voice of a gentleman asked her to sit next to him as he moved his laptop bag giving her space… She tried to refuse the offer, but she would rather avoid the attenion she was gaining from others than sit next to a strange man… He tried talking to her and being friendly… But a few hesitant nods and disinterested looks from her made it clear that she wanted him to shut up and mind his own business! He gave a look that read very clearly “Whats wrong with this lady!!” and he turned away…

It was nearing her home and she walked towards the door.. the driver said…

“This is non stop till M*d*w*l*”…

“But I always get in this bus and always get down here…”…

“No madam… new bus routes…was put up on the notice board…. this is non stop till….”

“Ok.. Ok… Bhaiya just this one time, please let me down here… its getting dark…

” No madam… the other staff will complain if I let you down and dont let others..”

“But please, I’m new to this place.. just this ones..”

“No madam… go sit in your seat..”

She starts getting scared seeing her bus stop pass by… but she wouldn’t cry… she looked back at the gentleman who offered her a seat, wondering if he would offer help again… But he didnt respond… She tried talking firmly to the driver now..

” Stop this ones… or I will have to complain to the transport department… for not letting me go this ones… I told you I am new to this place and … “

But her fear was too evident in her voice and the diver wouldn’t give in…. She finally prayed… “God please help”… Thats all she could say… and the traffic was blocked…

“Open the door now… its a traffic block anyway… so just open the door!!!” she shouted… The driver mumbled something and opened the door….

She got down in a hurry feeling a bit giddy after the whole scene… She noticed that the handsome man she sat next to also got down with her… She looked through the corner of her eyes to see if he was following her… But he just crossed the road and moved on…. “So he was not a gentleman after all… he had to get down too and he just let me do the fighting with the driver!!! Coward!!!”

She started walking back home… by the busy roads of this new city… She was not too far from her home… but the walk seemed like forever…  All her emotions came to its peak now… and she finally let it out… She cried… her sobbing was getting loud… she wanted to stop.. but couldn’t… Nodody noticed her in the dark nor heard her in the noice of the vehicles honking… and she realized how lonely she was here… She didn’t have anyone here… She had to be either back home or get married to her love… This was not the place for her… She was invisible here… She didn’t belong here… She didnt want to belong here…. She cried and cried… She couldn’t go back home…She had already decided to leave home and be independant… So her only way out was marriage…

A ray of hope and joy came into her heart… Finally she was gonna tell him ‘Yes!!” She knew beyond doubt she needed him… that she was ready for marriage… So she dialed his number… She was smiling now though she could still taste her salty tears flowing down her cheak and her lips… He picked up the phone… It was so good to hear his loving voice after a tiresome day! But before she could say anything he said, “Hey sweetheart… give me an hour… I’m on a meeting right now! Talk to you later.. okay?? Bye!!” And the phone went dead…

She was on top of the hill.. so happy about the idea of marriage… of how much she loved him… and he just let her fall down again… He didn’t know about it… but she needed him now… and he let her feel all alone again… If he knew how terribly lonely she was now, he wouldn’t have let her be alone.. but he didn’t know…

There is only one person who can handle such an emotional girl like her… thats Jesus… Craving for love?? Only God can truely satisfy you…

Scarey to have kids in this world!!!

I am starting to get bored at home… I’m not planning to work right now… Want to finish my MBA and then search for a suitable job… or have kids… wait til they are grown up… and then start working… But recently I’m not in a mood to study either… I was wondering, why not have a baby right now… It’ll keep me engaged… So I spoke to my husband…. And he laughed!! Hmmm… He thought it was silly to think of having a baby just cause I’m bored and want something to do… That was not the only reason ofcourse… But I didn’t know how to explain to him… So just left the topic…

The next day he said he wanted to watch the old movie “Bombay”… and we watched it… Huh!!! I guess he wanted me to see the seriousness of having a baby through that movie… or may be it was just a coincidence that the movie showed the dangers that kids went through in this crazy world that we live in now…

For those who haven’t seen the movie, its about a hindu guy, Shekhar who falls in love with a muslim girl, Shaila… Their families opose this relationship, but due to the pressure they leave to Bombay and get married… A few months later, Shaila becomes pregnant and gives birth to twins, Kabir Narayan and Kamal Basheer. The twins are raised in both religions.  Meanwhile, in India, religious extremism launches each community against the other, causing a wave of Hindu/Muslim riots that leave hundreds dead in Bombay. The grandparents come to Bombay out of concern for their children and grandchildren… The family is united again… However, during this tensed situation, the parents of Shekhar and Shaila get burnt in their house by the religious extremists and they lose their children in the city twice… They eventually get their children back… but the kids are totaly scared and shattered… and so is the whole family!

Say its coincidence… but I’ve been seeing so many movies recently and all that shows how corrupted the society is and how dangerous it is especially for kids… To name a few of the movies I saw recently, the hindi movie ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ and a little old tamil movie ‘Anniyan’…

Now I am thinking twice about having kids… the responsiility that comes with it… and the helpless situations that we may come across in this world with the little ones!!!

Only one hope we have in such a scarey world… Its the song I heard for the New Year Service by William. J. Gaither that comes to mind…

“   How sweet to hold a newborn baby,
    And feel the pride and joy he gives;
    But greater still the calm assurance:
    This child can face uncertain days because He Lives!

Chorus
     Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
     Because He lives, all fear is gone;
     Because I know He holds the future,
     And life is worth the living,
     Just because He lives!                        ”

miss me???.. dont miss me???..miss me???…

(Re-published)

I got this forwarded sms a while back. And thats all I can think of, so here it is..

“Absence must be long enough so that somebody misses you… But it should not be too long, that somebody learns to live without you….. So keep in touch.”

It might apply to many friends… family members… some special friends… some not so special … But remember it also applies to you…You might soon learn to live without them… Is there someone you know you can’t live without… and yet you don’t keep in touch with them??? … and give reasons like busy/ lazy and others more creative?!!!

I can afort to live without most people… but not without God… Dont stay away from God for too long that you learn to live without Him…. You will die in the process and you will not even realize it….

I’ve heard a story about peope from some place where they eat frogs… They say, if you put a live frog in hot water, it will jump out of it… it knows it will die…. But if you put a live frog is a cool water and slowly heat it up… the frog will not realize that the water is getting warm and by the time it does… its too late cause it does not have the energy to jump out!!! Soon its a meal to feast on… Staying away from God for too long is like that… you wouldn’t even realize that you are away and you will learn to live without Him… and one fine day you’ll wake up and realize you are on your way to hell…

My pastor said last sunday… make God your dwelling place… not a visiting place… Its so true…

So keep in touch……… with your creator!

Blessings!

Understanding my two husbands

I got married in the eyes of the world just a few months back … But not many know that I already have a husband… Yes… and I am NOT guilty!!

Before you make a big deal about this, please give me a chance to explain… My first husband is the one I truely love… But he allowed me to get married again… He said that a proper marriage in the eyes of the world and living with a man would help me know him (my first husband)  better… He loved me so much and always wanted me to know his love/ him more and more… He said… “My lovely one… for eternity… I want you to know me..” I have never met someone like him… His ways are beyond my understanding… and he lead me to marry this man… my second husband … I would like to keep his identity a secret in this blog, so I will refer to him as ’Ariel’… But I will declare the name of my first husband… He is known by many names… some call him Jehovah Jireh cause he provides for them.. some call him Jehovah Rophe.. cause he is a healer to them.. I mostly call him ‘Jesus’… my saviour…

When I got married, I had to loose my name that I had all my life and add Ariel’s name to myself… It was a change in identity that was difficult to get used to… Jesus said… “This you must understand my dear that to be my bride, you must loose yourself… die to yourself everyday and take on the new identity that I give you… ” I understood the significance of this change when I went to the middle east with Ariel… That was the place where his father lived and I was allowed to enter this foreign land just because I was Mrs Ariel… Jesus said, “There is only one name that can give you the visa to enter my father’s kingdom, and that is my name!”

I was amazed at the truth and he continued to teach me more about himself… I had to stop working after marriage as I moved home… Now I depended on Ariel for the simplest of things like buying food, to traveling, to the place to stay and so on… Jesus said, ” I expect a total dependence on me when you are my bride…all that I have belongs to you… ask and you will receive”… I was amazed at the promise… I know I can ask for anything Ariel had and he would give me… But to get anything that Jesus had… he has everything… and if I have that promise… I can truely have anything… But ofcourse as a true wife I wouldn’t ask for something that he would not be pleased with… and I know that as a superb husband he will not keep me from having what I need… There are many who marry for the money of the husband but Jesus knows the heart of all and he will choose his wife accordingly!

The other day I went out to meet my cousins… I was caught up in traffic and was very late to reach back home… Ariel was very upset that I went out late and he wouldn’t speak to me for a while… I was surprised at his anger and asked him why he was so concerned.. that it was my life…. Then he looked up to me and said that I was a treasure to him and I shouldn’t be so careless with his treasure… My eyes were filled with tears of joy and hug him in awe of his love… Later Jesus told me that Ariel loved me so much and I was a treasure to him though the price he paid for me was very little… He said, “How much more have I paid for you my love… I paid my life for you.. you are so precious to me.. and yet so often you are so careless with yourself… my treasure… Everytime you play with sin and take your life lightly, you are being careless with My treasure”.

Many such incidents have taught me more and more about my Jesus… He will continue to teach me for eternity… In the mean time I love my Ariel cause he is not only my husband, but my gift from Jesus… a reflection … a poor reflection… of the love that Jesus has for me…    

Love you sweetheart (s)

Contented life… so hard to find and so precious!

Blessed with an amazing husband, loving friends, supportive family, decent social status, a number of talents, good health, financial comfort,  and all that one could ask for, I don’t have much to complain about life… But ofcourse, the normal human that I am, I do manage to rant everyday… Recently I put the blame on ‘Facebook’ as my temptor/ weapon of the devil … I am guilty of spending many hours of my day browsing through the photos of my friends /acquaintance… far and near… in facebook … and turn back thinking.. Wow… what a life they have… and my life stinks!! Since the reasons might appear silly, I shall not mention them here… But to state a few examples… ”all the photos look so good.. they must be having so much fun all the time.. why is my life so boring?” … “They look picture perfect all the time.. why is my hair so messy??”… 

I know ranting isn’t the best of things to do, but ofcourse the pleasure of quoting all that I wish I had is something too soothing to avoid. And we all seem to have atleast one person in our small world / facebook / orkut .. e.t.c… who have what we want… or atleast seem like it!!  And that someone knows someone else who has what he always wanted. And nothing we get seem to quite satisfy us for more than a while.  Its like we are all a bottom less pit that can never be satisfied inspite of getting what we craved for just a few minutes back!  But godliness with contentment is great gain! (1 Tim 6:6)

Its amazing that God is actually molding a bride out of me / us for Himself… If I were God, I would have given up on myself long back and created a wife with all the divine qualities and lived happily ever after. But Im glad Im just me, and Jesus is God, and He was so crazy that He died to take all the punishment that I deserve, just so that He can have me, the messed up girl that I am… Give me beauty for ashes and make me / us His bride.

If you have life.. then you are privileged… There are too many who dont have a tomorrow to look forward to… If you have life you still have hope… If you are reading this blog, you must realize there are many who don’t have this privilege of technological advancements.

Count your blessings, name them one by one…

And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.

Whats the whole point of life/ living??

I have always had some “dream” to keep me going in life… The biggest dream I ever had has come true… I had my share of celebrating it… Now I’m stuck!!! What next?? 

Initially they were short term dreams… like pass my exams with so and so percentage, cause Mamma said she’ll buy me a Barbie doll…. Or… Wait for Pappa to come home and take us to the beach to play in the sand… Or… look forward to the weekend cause I will be going out with friends for my biggest birthday party ever… Life was a lot simpler as a kid… Always there would be something… may be small… and yet awesome to look forward to!

As I grew up to be a teenager, the romantic side of my brain started to develop a lot more than the other sides… I guess all those romantic novels had something to do with it… So… my dream was to meet the ‘Prince Charming’… the one man who will love me truely… who will come on a horse/ cool bike and tell me that I am the prettiest girl he has ever seen… with the sweetest voice he has ever heard… and we will go out in the woods/ water theme park… splash water on each other in the lake/ swimming pool… sing songs… fall in love… Some fear… some joy… and a lot of love… And the best part of the dream was… wearing a white wedding gown that flowed behind me and I would walk blissfully down the aisle to my love… and be pronounced as man and wife, under the star studded sky, beside the sea shore… and live happily ever after!!! Awwww…. the fondest dream of my life…

A few years down the lane and I start to realize that love is not exactly the fantasy idea I had… Its beautiful, alright… But its not always that rosey… You might meet a guy who does not come on a horse (obviously!), neither does he like to ride bikes cause he thinks its too dangerous in the Indian roads… You might meet him in some meeting when you are least expecting to meet your life partner… and definitly not dressed for the occassion… You might never get the luxury of going to a lake or a swimming pool with your guy… and finally when you do get a chance, they say… “No swimming in cotton clothes maam”… “Aww.. but just this ones, cause last time I came with family, there was no problem”… “Sorry maam! New rules” …. And worst of all… you might have to wear a saree for your wedding instead of a wedding gown…

But I have grown up… and I have realized that there are more important things to life than these fantasies… Yes… I have grown up… But the problem is… the small things in life is not so awesome any more… Barbie dolls?? ahh whats the big deal… Going to the beach… hmm nice… But I can drive and go anytime I want… whats the big deal… Birthday party… gosh… with my lil salary, a huge crunch on my spending for the whole month… hmm.. okay.. its fun… but common.. whats the big deal.. its there every year… today I pay for the bills cause its my party… next month she pays the bill for her party! Ohh… and the fondest of dreams of the prince charming!!! YES!! I found him… not- so- fascinating and yet interesting love story… got married… went for honeymoon… now living happily ever after… What Next??? That dream is also over!!! I wish the fairy tales continued on the life of the prince and the princess and elaborated the meaning of ‘lived happily ever after’!!!

Everything seems so point less… Work in a multi national company for a not so bad salary… whats the big deal… your work is easily replaceable… Live in an okay house with almost all necessary facilities… whats the big deal… so does everyone else in your neighbourhood… married the love of your life and living as a happy family… nice… and??? what is the purpose behind it all??? Why am I exisiting?? Whats the reason for my life??? Everything under the sun will loose its charm at some point of time… And finally we will realise it was all vanity… running after the wind… When all the time, you were created to know your creator!! This is eternal life that you might know Him… Only He can make you complete… Only the creator can explain to you the purpose of your life… the purpose of His creation…

I hope we are all able to realize the whole point of life/ living soon… By grace…

Sigh!!

My new job description

Its been a while ( quite a while) since I wrote my last blog. Been busy… and then got lazy… Anyways, the good/ bad news is that Im gonna try writing again! Considering that I’ve passed college life, earned a living for 13 months, celebrated two birthdays, a marriage and a one month marriage anniversary between my last blog and now, I might have grown wiser (hopefully) and more experienced! Ahmm… So let me share a lil about my new job..

 

My first job as a Process Executive in British Telecom and my current job of ”Home Management” has too many differences.. The first job has nothing to bost about if you knew what I actually did.. But the new one is even more humbling at times..

 

My Induction period was fun. Eat from hotels everyday.. Go to beautiful places.. Spend the whole day with my love! In other words, its called ‘Honeymoon’.

 

Then the actual work started after we got the gas connection at home. Wake up in the morning and think of what to make for breakfast, lunch and dinner… Make tea coz my boss/ my husband finds it too hard to manage the day otherwise! Quality check for the job is done over every meal.. “So how is the food? Spicy? Too much salt?? Good? Bad? Ugly? ” One look on his face of appreciation and the day feels successful… One look of .. “Oh its ok. ok.. ” means ?? I haven’t figured that out yet.. May be it means ’just average taste’… or may be its terribly bad and he didn’t wanna say so!!?? Or was he in a bad mood??  Why was he in a bad mood??! Did I do something wrong?? Insecurity level is very high in this job! A day’s performance is over with one look on his face! And bad performance means?? .. Replacement?? Will he replace me for another woman who is better at cooking?? Or better at looks?? Well I dont want to be replaced… I can not be replaced.. He dare not replace me!!! Or will he want to? wish to?? will he???

 

It went on like this for sometime… and finally the job pressure reached its peak. Frustration started to creep in… What nonsense!!?? Is this why I went through all the education in school and college?? Is this why I slogged in that company to get a years experience certificate? Now my one whole days work is to please one man?? I dont even get paid for it! Gosh! And no body acknowledges what I do as a job… What respect in society if I say I’m a housewife.. I mean Home Manager!! I need to find a proper job!!! NOW!!!!

 

So that night, before sleep, I had a discusion with my manager about my career goals.. about my lack of satisfaction with my current post.. And he took out his best weapon to solve it.. LOVE! Ok.. So he won….. Awwww… he is so sweet.. I dont mind cooking for him… and washing plates… and washing his clothes… and cleaning the house… and doing all this all over again each day… Hmm… or do I??? The worst part is the work I do never stays done… My smart manager can calm me down with his words of love for may be a few hours or a lil more than that .. But what I really needed was from someone else. The Big Boss who assigned me the job…

 

HE : “So you are not happy with your job.. ?”

Me: ” Well.. kinda not happy… This job doesn’t seem to have any dignity nor does it seem to give me a purpose in life!”

HE: ” Well according to your requests, this job is the best one for you!”

Me: “Huh??!! How is that?”

HE: “You said you wanted a job that will help you get closer to ME and be more and more like ME!”

Me: “Ya.. So??? How does doing a job like this… of a housemaid help me be like YOU?”

HE: “Well, common.. you know ME better than that.. I have always set an example to serve.. Though I am God, I still washed my disciples feet.. I cooked for my friends.. I died on the cross for the punishment of all your sins and sins of the world… To be the greatest in MY kingdom, you need to be the servant of all… If you find it hard to serve the one man you know you truely love, how will you serve the world and be like ME?”

Me: “  But but… Its not that simple for me… What I do seems so unimportant!”

HE: “There are two questions to measure a value of something… 1) How necessary is it? 2) What effect does it have on the lives of others?”

Me: “Well.. cooking and cleaning and all is very necessary.. else we will die of hunger or with some disease due to the dirt around!”

HE: “Absolutely..”

Me: “And it is a lot of help to my husband cause he does not have the time to do these things after work.. And someone has to do it!”

HE: “Right! Now you get me… So rejoice in your job my dear.. and do it with the right attitude.. It will teach you the attitude of a servant.. and you will grow in MY image and in MY likeness… Be blessed!”

Me : ”  Awesome Lemme try a new recepie for dinner tonight… And thank you mom for serving me and our family all these years… You deserve more appreciation than what you received! “

Why not an atheist ???!!!

Me, a once- upon- a- time- weak- atheist, can tell you why I personally didnot get to the strong- atheist level…and instead became crazy in love with God! The reason is… I lost my EGO!!!!! The realisation that people- including scientists, my friends, my family and ME can go wrong!

Do you see radiowaves passing through the air? Yet if you tune in a radio or television, you will have to believe its true… Well I understand there can be a “might” to the “logical explanation” of the existence of God to many brainy heads like me … But unless you tune in, you will never know…. I tuned in and I tell you its true! There is a God… He is awesome to know!

A small kid will do good if he listens to his parents rebuke and not even try put his tiny lil finger or a screw driver in that plug-hole… else he is doomed to die… He mightnot see electricity or even know what electricity means! But the “faith” in knowing that he mighnot know and understand everything… and that the parents does… that takes humility…. which we people lack so often after all the education we gain… especially the atheists

But well try tuning in and finding the truth … Else your playing with your eternity! Not just this fleeting life…

But ofcourse we have a God who loves you so much that He is waiting to just take you to Himself if you just ask Him… He is even willing to show you the truth if you give Him a chance… So try Jesus!

May you all find the truth in Jesus cause He alone is the way the truth and the life!

Find Purpose… Find Life!

Perfect love casts away all fear!

She had her share of bitter experiences of life at a very young age… Of being over powered… of being forced into things she detested… She hated herself… she blamed herself that she couldnot overcome those strong hands that pulled her down and exposed her shame… Those hands had explored her and bruised her tender heart… Those hands came to steal, to kill and to destroy… But as she grew, time burried her past so deep in the darkness that she convinced herself it was all just a bad… a real bad dream… She grew up with the determination to stay in control.. to never be overcome by anything again… But is time really a healing agent??? Time might hide the truth for awhile… but the wound, if not healed through the true unconditional love, will just come back again… And that is exactly what happened when that little girl grew up to a young lady and fell in love with a young man!

She loved him… because she just couldnot help it… because he was just too good… and because he first loved her… He knew her past and yet accepted her just the way she was… He offered to heal her with his love… But when the love grew and started over powering her insecurities, fear gripped her again… Fear that the past hurt might repeat itself… Fear of loosing control… of surrendering… Fear of trusting that love wouldnot take advantage… Just a tender touch of love with her lover’s hand… but her thoughts went back to those ugly hands that touched her to bruise her… He saw her eyes that reflected fear and he spoke lovingly into her ears… “Perfect love casts away all fear! Wouldn’t you surrender and give yourself to me? Wouldn’t you trust me to love you and heal you and wash you and restore you and make you whiter than the snow… Wouldn’t you just trust me and surrender to my love?… Because I have loved you with an ever lasting love… Yes, I will explore your life… but not to bruise you… but to heal your wounds completely… Yes, I will over-power you… but not to steal, to kill and to destroy you.. but to exchange your weakness for My strength… Just trust Me my beloved… beacuse without faith it is impossible to please me!”

All like sheep have gone astray… We have commited sin… sins we never wanted to commit… sins that we failed to overcome… We have condemned ourself and have also been hurt by the accuser of the brotherin- the Devil himself. Instead of asking the faithful God for forgiveness and repenting of our sins, we chose to bury this shame deep inside the darkness of our hearts! But it will come back when faced with true love… When the light comes… when we are in the presence of the most Holy God, darkness has to flee… Our sins, how much ever small we say it is.. and how much ever we try to bury it… It will be exposed. Unless we have repented and surrendered it into His hands trusting Him to forgive, that sin will keep you in fear. Your past failures will scare you… and will prevent you from letting go of your control over your own life. But would you just surrender and trust God and let Him explore your life? It might be uncomfortable when he touches areas that you wish to hide… It might remind you of the condemnation that the devil speaks to you… But our lovely Lord exposes and disciplines those whom He love… to heal you… to cleanse you… and restore you to Himself?!… Because his heart longs to make you whole… And you dont need to fear His wrath or fear rejection… cause nothing can seperate us from His love… and perfect love casts away all fear!

From home to tents…

I’m leaving home… I’m leaving my cage… I’m gonna be given the freedom I always wanted… and yet I’m already missing the over-protective life I always lived… aww… my over-protective father is such a sweetheart… who will love me like he does when I go to that new city! Aww… my nagging mother who keeps telling me what to do and what not to do, aint she a treasure??!! Will I wake up on time for work without her! And awww…. my lil irritating brother… whom will I fight with when I go away… no one to share the last bar of chocolate and fight over which piece is bigger… no one to tell me all the non-sense cartoon stories and be fooled to think that I’m actually listening to him … and who else but my lil bro would wanna hear all my advices and so-called lessons from life! And aww… my darling friend… who else would speak to me for hours together on the phone and shower me with love that give me butterflies!?…Hmm… like as if I would even have the time to be on the phone for hours in that fast city! Aww… my church.. my second family… who would care enough to pull my legs and call me “kutty” (small kid) in the new churches that I might find in that new city! Aww… my room… my this… and my that…

There are 3 things that can keep one from moving on:-

* Security

* Relationships

* Money

Its so easy to settle down… Its so natural to detest change… Right now, I got to give it all up… the security of being under the wings of my parents, the familiarity of the place where I spend my entire life, the relationships, all the relationships I ever bothered to maintain are all here… at my sweet home Alabama?! … And ofcouse the strainless provision of all my needs from my dad’s pocket without having to take up any responsibility what so ever!

And the solution I found to this demand for change is this… Let the Security of my life be in the Unconditional Love of God -the love that endures forever! Trusting Him at all times! Let the Relationship I hold on to be the relationship with the Trinity… With the Almighty God for the love of the best Father… With Jesus Christ for the love of the best Bridegroom and with Holy Spirit for the Superb Friend who is your helper, comfortor and anything and everything I will ever need! Let my Provision be based on the principle: “seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteouness, and all these things shall be added unto you.”

Its really sad to leave home… to change… from the security of home… to the life in tents… So donot put your tents too deep… you might have to move again anytime… Because change is essential… Change from glory to Glory… So I choose to take it as a learning exprience… And one thing I learned is this : Do not wait to be grateful for what you have till they are taken away from you. Say a word of thank you when they are near. So many sweet things to tell a dead boby in its funeral.. but why not say them when the soul is still there in that body and is encouraged with your words…

I am a flower quickly fading… here today and gone tomorrow… But O my soul, do what you were called to do when you are here! If its as simple as a smile.. then so be it.. or if its a little /much more than a smile… so be it…