Would you agree for a kingdom over democracy?

I saw the movie Jodha Akbar some time back… I don’t want to comment much about the movie, except that I like Aiswarya Rai in traditional Indian attire and I liked the song Khwaja Mere Khwaja. I have no idea what it means, but a very pleasant music and a good change to the ears from the typical Hindi film songs! I hope the meaning of the song doesn’t change my opinion about liking the song!!!

 

What made me write is that the movie made me think of a kingdom…. We, in a democratic society… (or so we call ourselves) cannot easily understand the kingdom principles… We might not even appreciate the kingdom principle…. Of one man having the authority to rule… Or would we ??!!  With the financial recession, people are talking about putting one man in charge of providing a global economic solution… and soon about a global religion to avoid division based on religion… a man who can bring global peace … Do you think we will agree to give power to one man for a global solution ?!!!  Well it might be a slow process… like we might trust a bunch of leaders to work together and unite the world…. and then a global organization may be… which might eventualy lead to a global leader!

 

If it comes true, wouldn’t that just lead us all to what the Bible prophesies in the book of Revelation??… of 10 kings who will give their authority to  ‘one man’ to rule the world in the end times and soon be revealed as the ‘Anti Christ’?!  Cause kingdom principle gives a lot of power to the king… and I don’t think any human can handle that kind of power… only God can… But what do you think??? We might fall for it???

 

Well its a prophesy in the Bible…  its sure to happen… Mighnot happen the way we think it will.. or when we think it will… May be in our life time or may be the next generation???  But when these things happen, know that the end is near… and we need to be ready for the true King of all Kings… cause the pseudo peace that the world offers will fade away and we want to be in the kingdom of the victorious King! Not the temporary one….

 

Also… are we prepared to give our rights of democracy for a kingdom? Would you agree for a global leader? Well its good to be prepared cause the King who is worthy to be King will reveal Himself to everyone soon and all knees shall bow and every tongue shall confess that Jesus Christ is Lord!

Opposites attract, but after marriage??!!

I took a personality test recently and turns out, I am a Melancholic person. I wasn’t very surprised! When my husband came back from work, I asked him to take the same test… and guess what, he is a Choleric person! The exact opposite of my personality! 

I guess we all get attracted to our opposite personalities. I admire his deep voice that resound with authority, when I am the quite type looking for security. I admire how he is self motivated when I struggle with low self image. He looks at the bigger picture and is amazed at my eye for details… He admires how I am sensitive to people’s need which he fails to notice… He likes to lead and I like to follow. He has a need for change and admires my creativity. The list could go on and on…

But for some reason, we start seeing less of our own weakness and more of our partners weakness after marriage! The same things that once attracted you to each other becomes the reason for friction after marriage… Your eye for details make you realize he doesn’t fullfill your small small dreams… but he doesn’t understand why you dont see the bigger picture that he is working so hard to keep you happy! You suddenly realize that you dont agree with almost anything…

When we stop and kill the self, we will have a better life… a better marriage… There is no perfect person… With every set of strengths come accompanying weaknesses. Its like we subconsciously choose a person who fills in our weak areas so that the two of us fit together and become one! When we focus on each others assets, instead of the weakness we will be able to fill each other’s empty spaces!

If you wish to see the different strengths and weaknesses of your personality type visit the website http://www.wedplan.com/plan_answers.php 

God Bless!

Her lonely loooooooooong day……………….

She knew she had a long dream… but she couldn’t remember what it was when she woke up… She pondered her mind to recollect the few scenes in her dream… Splashed some water on her face, still trying to remember the dream… Didn’t know why, but she did this every morning… as though remembering her dreams would bring some meaning to her life… some insight into what she really wanted…

Walked to the same bus stop… saw the same familiar faces with unknown names …  The fashionable lady she observed everyday was today wearing a white sleevless shirt with a black silky skirt and a bold red shoes… She knew she would never wear them… but still found the lady very fashionable!  Thinking of doing some shopping the weekend, the bus came and dropped her for work… 

On reaching office, she smiled at a few faces to hide the wierd feeling that always came inside her on seeing too many unknown faces … She searched for a vacant seat and settled down quickly in front of a computer… Work went on and on… Lunch from the same old food court… Sitting all alone with people walking and talking all around her… A few guys would look at her.. she was pretty and they gave her a teasing smile… She would ignore the look and turn the other side… There were also a few friendly faces who would look to invite her into the group… but she would turn away from them as well… She didnt know why she would avoid being friendly… She had so many friends back home… but here she just turned away as if she never saw them… and started playing with her mobile, acting busy…

After work she would run for the 5:30 bus when others would stay back, chat a little with friends, have some snack and catch the 6:30 bus! She had nothing to do going back home… but she had nothing to do staying at office either… She ran and jumped on the first bus that had just started to move… This was the bus she always caught.. and was happy she didn’t miss it today either… Panting for breath she walked in to see all the seats were occupied… Feeling a bit awkward being the only one standing and everyone looking at her… she turned to face the front mirror to try and relax… A deep comforting voice of a gentleman asked her to sit next to him as he moved his laptop bag giving her space… She tried to refuse the offer, but she would rather avoid the attenion she was gaining from others than sit next to a strange man… He tried talking to her and being friendly… But a few hesitant nods and disinterested looks from her made it clear that she wanted him to shut up and mind his own business! He gave a look that read very clearly “Whats wrong with this lady!!” and he turned away…

It was nearing her home and she walked towards the door.. the driver said…

“This is non stop till M*d*w*l*”…

“But I always get in this bus and always get down here…”…

“No madam… new bus routes…was put up on the notice board…. this is non stop till….”

“Ok.. Ok… Bhaiya just this one time, please let me down here… its getting dark…

” No madam… the other staff will complain if I let you down and dont let others..”

“But please, I’m new to this place.. just this ones..”

“No madam… go sit in your seat..”

She starts getting scared seeing her bus stop pass by… but she wouldn’t cry… she looked back at the gentleman who offered her a seat, wondering if he would offer help again… But he didnt respond… She tried talking firmly to the driver now..

” Stop this ones… or I will have to complain to the transport department… for not letting me go this ones… I told you I am new to this place and … “

But her fear was too evident in her voice and the diver wouldn’t give in…. She finally prayed… “God please help”… Thats all she could say… and the traffic was blocked…

“Open the door now… its a traffic block anyway… so just open the door!!!” she shouted… The driver mumbled something and opened the door….

She got down in a hurry feeling a bit giddy after the whole scene… She noticed that the handsome man she sat next to also got down with her… She looked through the corner of her eyes to see if he was following her… But he just crossed the road and moved on…. “So he was not a gentleman after all… he had to get down too and he just let me do the fighting with the driver!!! Coward!!!”

She started walking back home… by the busy roads of this new city… She was not too far from her home… but the walk seemed like forever…  All her emotions came to its peak now… and she finally let it out… She cried… her sobbing was getting loud… she wanted to stop.. but couldn’t… Nodody noticed her in the dark nor heard her in the noice of the vehicles honking… and she realized how lonely she was here… She didn’t have anyone here… She had to be either back home or get married to her love… This was not the place for her… She was invisible here… She didn’t belong here… She didnt want to belong here…. She cried and cried… She couldn’t go back home…She had already decided to leave home and be independant… So her only way out was marriage…

A ray of hope and joy came into her heart… Finally she was gonna tell him ‘Yes!!” She knew beyond doubt she needed him… that she was ready for marriage… So she dialed his number… She was smiling now though she could still taste her salty tears flowing down her cheak and her lips… He picked up the phone… It was so good to hear his loving voice after a tiresome day! But before she could say anything he said, “Hey sweetheart… give me an hour… I’m on a meeting right now! Talk to you later.. okay?? Bye!!” And the phone went dead…

She was on top of the hill.. so happy about the idea of marriage… of how much she loved him… and he just let her fall down again… He didn’t know about it… but she needed him now… and he let her feel all alone again… If he knew how terribly lonely she was now, he wouldn’t have let her be alone.. but he didn’t know…

There is only one person who can handle such an emotional girl like her… thats Jesus… Craving for love?? Only God can truely satisfy you…

Scarey to have kids in this world!!!

I am starting to get bored at home… I’m not planning to work right now… Want to finish my MBA and then search for a suitable job… or have kids… wait til they are grown up… and then start working… But recently I’m not in a mood to study either… I was wondering, why not have a baby right now… It’ll keep me engaged… So I spoke to my husband…. And he laughed!! Hmmm… He thought it was silly to think of having a baby just cause I’m bored and want something to do… That was not the only reason ofcourse… But I didn’t know how to explain to him… So just left the topic…

The next day he said he wanted to watch the old movie “Bombay”… and we watched it… Huh!!! I guess he wanted me to see the seriousness of having a baby through that movie… or may be it was just a coincidence that the movie showed the dangers that kids went through in this crazy world that we live in now…

For those who haven’t seen the movie, its about a hindu guy, Shekhar who falls in love with a muslim girl, Shaila… Their families opose this relationship, but due to the pressure they leave to Bombay and get married… A few months later, Shaila becomes pregnant and gives birth to twins, Kabir Narayan and Kamal Basheer. The twins are raised in both religions.  Meanwhile, in India, religious extremism launches each community against the other, causing a wave of Hindu/Muslim riots that leave hundreds dead in Bombay. The grandparents come to Bombay out of concern for their children and grandchildren… The family is united again… However, during this tensed situation, the parents of Shekhar and Shaila get burnt in their house by the religious extremists and they lose their children in the city twice… They eventually get their children back… but the kids are totaly scared and shattered… and so is the whole family!

Say its coincidence… but I’ve been seeing so many movies recently and all that shows how corrupted the society is and how dangerous it is especially for kids… To name a few of the movies I saw recently, the hindi movie ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ and a little old tamil movie ‘Anniyan’…

Now I am thinking twice about having kids… the responsiility that comes with it… and the helpless situations that we may come across in this world with the little ones!!!

Only one hope we have in such a scarey world… Its the song I heard for the New Year Service by William. J. Gaither that comes to mind…

“   How sweet to hold a newborn baby,
    And feel the pride and joy he gives;
    But greater still the calm assurance:
    This child can face uncertain days because He Lives!

Chorus
     Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
     Because He lives, all fear is gone;
     Because I know He holds the future,
     And life is worth the living,
     Just because He lives!                        ”

miss me???.. dont miss me???..miss me???…

(Re-published)

I got this forwarded sms a while back. And thats all I can think of, so here it is..

“Absence must be long enough so that somebody misses you… But it should not be too long, that somebody learns to live without you….. So keep in touch.”

It might apply to many friends… family members… some special friends… some not so special … But remember it also applies to you…You might soon learn to live without them… Is there someone you know you can’t live without… and yet you don’t keep in touch with them??? … and give reasons like busy/ lazy and others more creative?!!!

I can afort to live without most people… but not without God… Dont stay away from God for too long that you learn to live without Him…. You will die in the process and you will not even realize it….

I’ve heard a story about peope from some place where they eat frogs… They say, if you put a live frog in hot water, it will jump out of it… it knows it will die…. But if you put a live frog is a cool water and slowly heat it up… the frog will not realize that the water is getting warm and by the time it does… its too late cause it does not have the energy to jump out!!! Soon its a meal to feast on… Staying away from God for too long is like that… you wouldn’t even realize that you are away and you will learn to live without Him… and one fine day you’ll wake up and realize you are on your way to hell…

My pastor said last sunday… make God your dwelling place… not a visiting place… Its so true…

So keep in touch……… with your creator!

Blessings!

Understanding my two husbands

I got married in the eyes of the world just a few months back … But not many know that I already have a husband… Yes… and I am NOT guilty!!

Before you make a big deal about this, please give me a chance to explain… My first husband is the one I truely love… But he allowed me to get married again… He said that a proper marriage in the eyes of the world and living with a man would help me know him (my first husband)  better… He loved me so much and always wanted me to know his love/ him more and more… He said… “My lovely one… for eternity… I want you to know me..” I have never met someone like him… His ways are beyond my understanding… and he lead me to marry this man… my second husband … I would like to keep his identity a secret in this blog, so I will refer to him as ’Ariel’… But I will declare the name of my first husband… He is known by many names… some call him Jehovah Jireh cause he provides for them.. some call him Jehovah Rophe.. cause he is a healer to them.. I mostly call him ‘Jesus’… my saviour…

When I got married, I had to loose my name that I had all my life and add Ariel’s name to myself… It was a change in identity that was difficult to get used to… Jesus said… “This you must understand my dear that to be my bride, you must loose yourself… die to yourself everyday and take on the new identity that I give you… ” I understood the significance of this change when I went to the middle east with Ariel… That was the place where his father lived and I was allowed to enter this foreign land just because I was Mrs Ariel… Jesus said, “There is only one name that can give you the visa to enter my father’s kingdom, and that is my name!”

I was amazed at the truth and he continued to teach me more about himself… I had to stop working after marriage as I moved home… Now I depended on Ariel for the simplest of things like buying food, to traveling, to the place to stay and so on… Jesus said, ” I expect a total dependence on me when you are my bride…all that I have belongs to you… ask and you will receive”… I was amazed at the promise… I know I can ask for anything Ariel had and he would give me… But to get anything that Jesus had… he has everything… and if I have that promise… I can truely have anything… But ofcourse as a true wife I wouldn’t ask for something that he would not be pleased with… and I know that as a superb husband he will not keep me from having what I need… There are many who marry for the money of the husband but Jesus knows the heart of all and he will choose his wife accordingly!

The other day I went out to meet my cousins… I was caught up in traffic and was very late to reach back home… Ariel was very upset that I went out late and he wouldn’t speak to me for a while… I was surprised at his anger and asked him why he was so concerned.. that it was my life…. Then he looked up to me and said that I was a treasure to him and I shouldn’t be so careless with his treasure… My eyes were filled with tears of joy and hug him in awe of his love… Later Jesus told me that Ariel loved me so much and I was a treasure to him though the price he paid for me was very little… He said, “How much more have I paid for you my love… I paid my life for you.. you are so precious to me.. and yet so often you are so careless with yourself… my treasure… Everytime you play with sin and take your life lightly, you are being careless with My treasure”.

Many such incidents have taught me more and more about my Jesus… He will continue to teach me for eternity… In the mean time I love my Ariel cause he is not only my husband, but my gift from Jesus… a reflection … a poor reflection… of the love that Jesus has for me…    

Love you sweetheart (s)

Contented life… so hard to find and so precious!

Blessed with an amazing husband, loving friends, supportive family, decent social status, a number of talents, good health, financial comfort,  and all that one could ask for, I don’t have much to complain about life… But ofcourse, the normal human that I am, I do manage to rant everyday… Recently I put the blame on ‘Facebook’ as my temptor/ weapon of the devil … I am guilty of spending many hours of my day browsing through the photos of my friends /acquaintance… far and near… in facebook … and turn back thinking.. Wow… what a life they have… and my life stinks!! Since the reasons might appear silly, I shall not mention them here… But to state a few examples… ”all the photos look so good.. they must be having so much fun all the time.. why is my life so boring?” … “They look picture perfect all the time.. why is my hair so messy??”… 

I know ranting isn’t the best of things to do, but ofcourse the pleasure of quoting all that I wish I had is something too soothing to avoid. And we all seem to have atleast one person in our small world / facebook / orkut .. e.t.c… who have what we want… or atleast seem like it!!  And that someone knows someone else who has what he always wanted. And nothing we get seem to quite satisfy us for more than a while.  Its like we are all a bottom less pit that can never be satisfied inspite of getting what we craved for just a few minutes back!  But godliness with contentment is great gain! (1 Tim 6:6)

Its amazing that God is actually molding a bride out of me / us for Himself… If I were God, I would have given up on myself long back and created a wife with all the divine qualities and lived happily ever after. But Im glad Im just me, and Jesus is God, and He was so crazy that He died to take all the punishment that I deserve, just so that He can have me, the messed up girl that I am… Give me beauty for ashes and make me / us His bride.

If you have life.. then you are privileged… There are too many who dont have a tomorrow to look forward to… If you have life you still have hope… If you are reading this blog, you must realize there are many who don’t have this privilege of technological advancements.

Count your blessings, name them one by one…

And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.

Whats the whole point of life/ living??

I have always had some “dream” to keep me going in life… The biggest dream I ever had has come true… I had my share of celebrating it… Now I’m stuck!!! What next?? 

Initially they were short term dreams… like pass my exams with so and so percentage, cause Mamma said she’ll buy me a Barbie doll…. Or… Wait for Pappa to come home and take us to the beach to play in the sand… Or… look forward to the weekend cause I will be going out with friends for my biggest birthday party ever… Life was a lot simpler as a kid… Always there would be something… may be small… and yet awesome to look forward to!

As I grew up to be a teenager, the romantic side of my brain started to develop a lot more than the other sides… I guess all those romantic novels had something to do with it… So… my dream was to meet the ‘Prince Charming’… the one man who will love me truely… who will come on a horse/ cool bike and tell me that I am the prettiest girl he has ever seen… with the sweetest voice he has ever heard… and we will go out in the woods/ water theme park… splash water on each other in the lake/ swimming pool… sing songs… fall in love… Some fear… some joy… and a lot of love… And the best part of the dream was… wearing a white wedding gown that flowed behind me and I would walk blissfully down the aisle to my love… and be pronounced as man and wife, under the star studded sky, beside the sea shore… and live happily ever after!!! Awwww…. the fondest dream of my life…

A few years down the lane and I start to realize that love is not exactly the fantasy idea I had… Its beautiful, alright… But its not always that rosey… You might meet a guy who does not come on a horse (obviously!), neither does he like to ride bikes cause he thinks its too dangerous in the Indian roads… You might meet him in some meeting when you are least expecting to meet your life partner… and definitly not dressed for the occassion… You might never get the luxury of going to a lake or a swimming pool with your guy… and finally when you do get a chance, they say… “No swimming in cotton clothes maam”… “Aww.. but just this ones, cause last time I came with family, there was no problem”… “Sorry maam! New rules” …. And worst of all… you might have to wear a saree for your wedding instead of a wedding gown…

But I have grown up… and I have realized that there are more important things to life than these fantasies… Yes… I have grown up… But the problem is… the small things in life is not so awesome any more… Barbie dolls?? ahh whats the big deal… Going to the beach… hmm nice… But I can drive and go anytime I want… whats the big deal… Birthday party… gosh… with my lil salary, a huge crunch on my spending for the whole month… hmm.. okay.. its fun… but common.. whats the big deal.. its there every year… today I pay for the bills cause its my party… next month she pays the bill for her party! Ohh… and the fondest of dreams of the prince charming!!! YES!! I found him… not- so- fascinating and yet interesting love story… got married… went for honeymoon… now living happily ever after… What Next??? That dream is also over!!! I wish the fairy tales continued on the life of the prince and the princess and elaborated the meaning of ‘lived happily ever after’!!!

Everything seems so point less… Work in a multi national company for a not so bad salary… whats the big deal… your work is easily replaceable… Live in an okay house with almost all necessary facilities… whats the big deal… so does everyone else in your neighbourhood… married the love of your life and living as a happy family… nice… and??? what is the purpose behind it all??? Why am I exisiting?? Whats the reason for my life??? Everything under the sun will loose its charm at some point of time… And finally we will realise it was all vanity… running after the wind… When all the time, you were created to know your creator!! This is eternal life that you might know Him… Only He can make you complete… Only the creator can explain to you the purpose of your life… the purpose of His creation…

I hope we are all able to realize the whole point of life/ living soon… By grace…

Sigh!!

My new job description

Its been a while ( quite a while) since I wrote my last blog. Been busy… and then got lazy… Anyways, the good/ bad news is that Im gonna try writing again! Considering that I’ve passed college life, earned a living for 13 months, celebrated two birthdays, a marriage and a one month marriage anniversary between my last blog and now, I might have grown wiser (hopefully) and more experienced! Ahmm… So let me share a lil about my new job..

 

My first job as a Process Executive in British Telecom and my current job of ”Home Management” has too many differences.. The first job has nothing to bost about if you knew what I actually did.. But the new one is even more humbling at times..

 

My Induction period was fun. Eat from hotels everyday.. Go to beautiful places.. Spend the whole day with my love! In other words, its called ‘Honeymoon’.

 

Then the actual work started after we got the gas connection at home. Wake up in the morning and think of what to make for breakfast, lunch and dinner… Make tea coz my boss/ my husband finds it too hard to manage the day otherwise! Quality check for the job is done over every meal.. “So how is the food? Spicy? Too much salt?? Good? Bad? Ugly? ” One look on his face of appreciation and the day feels successful… One look of .. “Oh its ok. ok.. ” means ?? I haven’t figured that out yet.. May be it means ’just average taste’… or may be its terribly bad and he didn’t wanna say so!!?? Or was he in a bad mood??  Why was he in a bad mood??! Did I do something wrong?? Insecurity level is very high in this job! A day’s performance is over with one look on his face! And bad performance means?? .. Replacement?? Will he replace me for another woman who is better at cooking?? Or better at looks?? Well I dont want to be replaced… I can not be replaced.. He dare not replace me!!! Or will he want to? wish to?? will he???

 

It went on like this for sometime… and finally the job pressure reached its peak. Frustration started to creep in… What nonsense!!?? Is this why I went through all the education in school and college?? Is this why I slogged in that company to get a years experience certificate? Now my one whole days work is to please one man?? I dont even get paid for it! Gosh! And no body acknowledges what I do as a job… What respect in society if I say I’m a housewife.. I mean Home Manager!! I need to find a proper job!!! NOW!!!!

 

So that night, before sleep, I had a discusion with my manager about my career goals.. about my lack of satisfaction with my current post.. And he took out his best weapon to solve it.. LOVE! Ok.. So he won….. Awwww… he is so sweet.. I dont mind cooking for him… and washing plates… and washing his clothes… and cleaning the house… and doing all this all over again each day… Hmm… or do I??? The worst part is the work I do never stays done… My smart manager can calm me down with his words of love for may be a few hours or a lil more than that .. But what I really needed was from someone else. The Big Boss who assigned me the job…

 

HE : “So you are not happy with your job.. ?”

Me: ” Well.. kinda not happy… This job doesn’t seem to have any dignity nor does it seem to give me a purpose in life!”

HE: ” Well according to your requests, this job is the best one for you!”

Me: “Huh??!! How is that?”

HE: “You said you wanted a job that will help you get closer to ME and be more and more like ME!”

Me: “Ya.. So??? How does doing a job like this… of a housemaid help me be like YOU?”

HE: “Well, common.. you know ME better than that.. I have always set an example to serve.. Though I am God, I still washed my disciples feet.. I cooked for my friends.. I died on the cross for the punishment of all your sins and sins of the world… To be the greatest in MY kingdom, you need to be the servant of all… If you find it hard to serve the one man you know you truely love, how will you serve the world and be like ME?”

Me: “  But but… Its not that simple for me… What I do seems so unimportant!”

HE: “There are two questions to measure a value of something… 1) How necessary is it? 2) What effect does it have on the lives of others?”

Me: “Well.. cooking and cleaning and all is very necessary.. else we will die of hunger or with some disease due to the dirt around!”

HE: “Absolutely..”

Me: “And it is a lot of help to my husband cause he does not have the time to do these things after work.. And someone has to do it!”

HE: “Right! Now you get me… So rejoice in your job my dear.. and do it with the right attitude.. It will teach you the attitude of a servant.. and you will grow in MY image and in MY likeness… Be blessed!”

Me : ”  Awesome Lemme try a new recepie for dinner tonight… And thank you mom for serving me and our family all these years… You deserve more appreciation than what you received! “

Why not an atheist ???!!!

Me, a once- upon- a- time- weak- atheist, can tell you why I personally didnot get to the strong- atheist level…and instead became crazy in love with God! The reason is… I lost my EGO!!!!! The realisation that people- including scientists, my friends, my family and ME can go wrong!

Do you see radiowaves passing through the air? Yet if you tune in a radio or television, you will have to believe its true… Well I understand there can be a “might” to the “logical explanation” of the existence of God to many brainy heads like me … But unless you tune in, you will never know…. I tuned in and I tell you its true! There is a God… He is awesome to know!

A small kid will do good if he listens to his parents rebuke and not even try put his tiny lil finger or a screw driver in that plug-hole… else he is doomed to die… He mightnot see electricity or even know what electricity means! But the “faith” in knowing that he mighnot know and understand everything… and that the parents does… that takes humility…. which we people lack so often after all the education we gain… especially the atheists

But well try tuning in and finding the truth … Else your playing with your eternity! Not just this fleeting life…

But ofcourse we have a God who loves you so much that He is waiting to just take you to Himself if you just ask Him… He is even willing to show you the truth if you give Him a chance… So try Jesus!

May you all find the truth in Jesus cause He alone is the way the truth and the life!

Find Purpose… Find Life!

Perfect love casts away all fear!

She had her share of bitter experiences of life at a very young age… Of being over powered… of being forced into things she detested… She hated herself… she blamed herself that she couldnot overcome those strong hands that pulled her down and exposed her shame… Those hands had explored her and bruised her tender heart… Those hands came to steal, to kill and to destroy… But as she grew, time burried her past so deep in the darkness that she convinced herself it was all just a bad… a real bad dream… She grew up with the determination to stay in control.. to never be overcome by anything again… But is time really a healing agent??? Time might hide the truth for awhile… but the wound, if not healed through the true unconditional love, will just come back again… And that is exactly what happened when that little girl grew up to a young lady and fell in love with a young man!

She loved him… because she just couldnot help it… because he was just too good… and because he first loved her… He knew her past and yet accepted her just the way she was… He offered to heal her with his love… But when the love grew and started over powering her insecurities, fear gripped her again… Fear that the past hurt might repeat itself… Fear of loosing control… of surrendering… Fear of trusting that love wouldnot take advantage… Just a tender touch of love with her lover’s hand… but her thoughts went back to those ugly hands that touched her to bruise her… He saw her eyes that reflected fear and he spoke lovingly into her ears… “Perfect love casts away all fear! Wouldn’t you surrender and give yourself to me? Wouldn’t you trust me to love you and heal you and wash you and restore you and make you whiter than the snow… Wouldn’t you just trust me and surrender to my love?… Because I have loved you with an ever lasting love… Yes, I will explore your life… but not to bruise you… but to heal your wounds completely… Yes, I will over-power you… but not to steal, to kill and to destroy you.. but to exchange your weakness for My strength… Just trust Me my beloved… beacuse without faith it is impossible to please me!”

All like sheep have gone astray… We have commited sin… sins we never wanted to commit… sins that we failed to overcome… We have condemned ourself and have also been hurt by the accuser of the brotherin- the Devil himself. Instead of asking the faithful God for forgiveness and repenting of our sins, we chose to bury this shame deep inside the darkness of our hearts! But it will come back when faced with true love… When the light comes… when we are in the presence of the most Holy God, darkness has to flee… Our sins, how much ever small we say it is.. and how much ever we try to bury it… It will be exposed. Unless we have repented and surrendered it into His hands trusting Him to forgive, that sin will keep you in fear. Your past failures will scare you… and will prevent you from letting go of your control over your own life. But would you just surrender and trust God and let Him explore your life? It might be uncomfortable when he touches areas that you wish to hide… It might remind you of the condemnation that the devil speaks to you… But our lovely Lord exposes and disciplines those whom He love… to heal you… to cleanse you… and restore you to Himself?!… Because his heart longs to make you whole… And you dont need to fear His wrath or fear rejection… cause nothing can seperate us from His love… and perfect love casts away all fear!

From home to tents…

I’m leaving home… I’m leaving my cage… I’m gonna be given the freedom I always wanted… and yet I’m already missing the over-protective life I always lived… aww… my over-protective father is such a sweetheart… who will love me like he does when I go to that new city! Aww… my nagging mother who keeps telling me what to do and what not to do, aint she a treasure??!! Will I wake up on time for work without her! And awww…. my lil irritating brother… whom will I fight with when I go away… no one to share the last bar of chocolate and fight over which piece is bigger… no one to tell me all the non-sense cartoon stories and be fooled to think that I’m actually listening to him … and who else but my lil bro would wanna hear all my advices and so-called lessons from life! And aww… my darling friend… who else would speak to me for hours together on the phone and shower me with love that give me butterflies!?…Hmm… like as if I would even have the time to be on the phone for hours in that fast city! Aww… my church.. my second family… who would care enough to pull my legs and call me “kutty” (small kid) in the new churches that I might find in that new city! Aww… my room… my this… and my that…

There are 3 things that can keep one from moving on:-

* Security

* Relationships

* Money

Its so easy to settle down… Its so natural to detest change… Right now, I got to give it all up… the security of being under the wings of my parents, the familiarity of the place where I spend my entire life, the relationships, all the relationships I ever bothered to maintain are all here… at my sweet home Alabama?! … And ofcouse the strainless provision of all my needs from my dad’s pocket without having to take up any responsibility what so ever!

And the solution I found to this demand for change is this… Let the Security of my life be in the Unconditional Love of God -the love that endures forever! Trusting Him at all times! Let the Relationship I hold on to be the relationship with the Trinity… With the Almighty God for the love of the best Father… With Jesus Christ for the love of the best Bridegroom and with Holy Spirit for the Superb Friend who is your helper, comfortor and anything and everything I will ever need! Let my Provision be based on the principle: “seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteouness, and all these things shall be added unto you.”

Its really sad to leave home… to change… from the security of home… to the life in tents… So donot put your tents too deep… you might have to move again anytime… Because change is essential… Change from glory to Glory… So I choose to take it as a learning exprience… And one thing I learned is this : Do not wait to be grateful for what you have till they are taken away from you. Say a word of thank you when they are near. So many sweet things to tell a dead boby in its funeral.. but why not say them when the soul is still there in that body and is encouraged with your words…

I am a flower quickly fading… here today and gone tomorrow… But O my soul, do what you were called to do when you are here! If its as simple as a smile.. then so be it.. or if its a little /much more than a smile… so be it…

Broken resolutions!!

If New Year is the time when most people come up with the idea of making resolutions, for me its after the exams… or even during the exams… Its like when the exams start and when I am expected to study, I would rather let my mind wander through the days coming ahead… the much awaited vacations… to do all that I can ever think of doing! Are there anybody else like me who get so carried away with all the ideas… and the list of things to do gets too long that you start jotting it down on the sides of your note book.. and your mother thinks you are seriously studing and even writing down the important points!? But then, anyways, I can proudly say that my past few vacations have been very fruitful… After my 10th grade Board exams, I learned or atleast started learning some instruments- guitar and piano (well learning is a long process and I learn slow so Im still in my A,B,C,Ds… )…After my 12th grade Borad exams, when my fellowmates were busy preparing for the Entrance exams, I was making my resolution come true… of learning to drive the car and the scooter and get my license right at the legally eligible age of 18yrs. After my first year in college doing Litearture and creative studies, I decided to explore my writing skills and wrote a few songs and even launched my own blog! After my second year in college, I fulfilled my approx. life- long dream of learning to swim!

But now, after my final year in college, I had the maximum number of resolutions! I wanted to learn cooking.. but that art is still to be practiced! ( I did read a lot of recepies from books and the internet though! So I did study a bit of cooking … but no dish was real enough to eat hmm…)

I wanted to read a shelf full of books… but they are still all dusty and still safely placed at the same spot I saw them after the last exam! But yea.. I did read a few books from friends.

I wanted to do choreography and teach the sunday school kids a new dance! But then again the kids were so busy with school and exams and all… and the few days they get off, they would rather do what they like than learn a dance! Gosh! The pressure of studies in kids now is so sad… And well even I got lazy!

I wanted to rearrange the whole interior of my house and give it a new look… Give it a casually clean look with more colour and better use of space by making maximum furniture positions look built-in and yet pleasing to the aesthetic sense! Ahh… or atleast throw away all my good ol books from school and college and just get it cleared up! But somehow it hasn’t sank into me yet that I’ve actually got rid of school life and even college life and that Im actually entering the life of a carreer women! And that my home.. sweet home… doesnt need to have any of my things in it anymore since Im leaving town!

And there are so many other things that I wanted to do… reminding myself of it all is just making me feel sick inside! hmm… And the worst part is… Im leaving home… and I mighnot get the time or the opportunity again to learn and do all that I could have, this past two months!

Life is passing by… Lets not play around… lets not get lazy… let us finish our race and accomplish what we were called to do… this world is not our home.. its just a passing by… Let every blessing that God gives us, including time not be taken for granted… Life is passing by… lets not break resolutions… But make resolutions that matter… that matter in the long run… that matter to eternity! Have a purpose in life… And this is eternal life that you might “know” God! Just knowing Him will give you a purpose to live… the purpose to please Him

God Bless us all!

Science freak… to Jesus freak!!!

I wanted to write my story of how I became a Jesus freak for a long time… The other day I had a talk with a friend and he was asking me the same thing… So I think I’ll just edit and paste that conversation here instead of writing the whole thing again! (Being lazy as always )

Friend: so how did ya come to the lOrd? curious..

Me: me… well… its a looooong story But if you want it short… He just proved Himself to be the only one I could trust.

Friend: so you wanna start the story??

Me: hahaha ohhh sure? Oki.. well basically I been a science freak, a very logical person… wanted a proof for everything

Friend: sounds good .. go on..

Me: believed with my whole heart that it was just a matter of time and someone would come up with a theory to prove that God doesn’t exist.. But ofcourse my mom was a believer all the while… so I had all the arguments of a christian in my head… but I hated it!!

Friend: ah.. rebellious huh?

Me: because I thought she was silly that instead of doing something about a situation, she would pray first.. and only then do what is to be done… yeah!! kinda rebellious in my heart… but very silent at home

Friend: the silent killer …

Me: hehehe.. yeah!! But in school I was appreciated for my “logical head”…school was different…lotta people who wanted to be my friend

Friend: go on.. am listenin

Me: I was in this 3 girls gang! We were known as the “Trio” of (school name) and friends meant everything to me….well basically… I trusted my friends more than anything!! And one day I came to know that they were cheating on me for a whole year… and I had no clue!!! As in… they created rumours that I was in love with a senior guy! Reason? cause my friend liked this guy!! hehehe… silly girlish brains working! Actually even this guy knew that such a rumour existed, but he was also taking advantage of it!! And I thought he was also a good friend!

Friend: typical.. watched the movie Mean girls?

Me: hahaha nah … my story huh?

Friend: sorta … very close.. only thing, they don’t end up saved..

Me: ohhh thats so sad .. emmm …

Friend: Anyways go on..

Me: Okay.. Now at the same time, there was another girl, who wanted me to be in love… because she thought it was not right that such an “awesome” gurl like me .. doesnot have a boyfriend!! lolz

Friend: with whom?

Me: emm with anyone…. hehehe.. but I had to have someone!!

Friend: Ok… more like prestige huh?

Me: But I didn’t like to be in a relationship for some other reason… which again is a long story all by itself.. Anyways, but I didn’t want a boyfriend!! But my friends wouldn’t share their secrets or even be my friend if I didn’t have a guy!! And well… I needed friends cause they meant everything to me… so I decided to try my luck on this one guy from church…

Friend: hmmm strange friends .. makes me wonder .. Were they friends with you for who you were or for who your boyfriend was?

Me: hehehe… Hey, these girls are realy good girls, alright?? I mean… they were really my good friends… one of them has been my friend from 1^st grade!! But then people are people… they are not angels even if they seem like one so often! Ones in awhile we all go wrong! Anyways, this guy I had in mind sings well… and that’s one thing I adore… And I was also into singing and writing songs and all..

Friend: talented eh?.. good

Me: hehehe we’re all good at something, aren’t we? Now using it just for God’s glory alone. Not mine!

Friend: ok

Me: Anyways, so my friend gets this guy’s phone number somehow and talks in my name! so basically I get into a terrible dilemma… so to save my skin, I again make another call to the guy and try to convince him that the one who called earlier in my name was a friend!!! But anyways, I managed to makes a mess outta the whole thing … I made a fool out of myself before that guy also and I was heat broken!

Friend: wow.. nice .. can make a movie by now.. J

Me: hahaha sure… Im thinking I should cause its really amazing how God brought everything together to strike me down, so He could come in…hehehe.

Friend: true

Me: well so I come back home… and I realize that I cannot trust my friends cause they create rumours for their own pleasures…. then I realize that I can’t trust my family … cause when I told my mom and opened up the whole thing to her… she just said… “well. you never listened to me… now u bare the consequences!”
well my mom is a gr8 person.. But I beleieve that day she was just supposed to act indifferent cause God was in the business of preparing my heart to receive Him!

Friend : and?

Me : and then, I realized I couldn’t trust myself either.. cause I made the stupidest call to this singer guy and made a mess for myself… I was stupid!! So I was in my room not able to trust my friends, family or myself…

Friend: hehe nice..

Me: I was in my 9th grade then, and I was sitting in front of my chemistry text…

Friend: early start!

Me: And if you remember, they had a chapter… with different scientists… talking about the structure of atom… One said neutron is in the centre and the electrons go around them in fixed orbits… another said that electrons are like clouds around the neutron… and yet another comes up with the quantum theory!! Remember that lesson?

Friend: yeah remember that part… my favourite … one of them atleast!!

Me: hehehe… so I sit in front of my science text book and all of a sudden it strikes me that even science cannot be trusted… Science is a history of scientists stating and re-stating theories…. Today they might say drinking coffee is good and a lil while later they say it is deadly… cancerous! What ever you want to hear, you can hear through science… If you search google for articles that say breakfast is the most important meal of the day, you might find quite a number of articles to prove it! And if you search for articles that say breakfast is not the most important meal of the day, you might find a number of articles on that too…

Friend: I thought you would figure that out earlier.. “miss Logical head”

Me: yeah… But I was in love with science.. And love is blind

Friend: hahaha .. !! good try!!

Me: so basically now I couldn’t trust my friends, family, MYSELF nor science…and I cried and I cried and I cried… I was all confused now… I couldn’t find a point in living… no one to trust… not even myself… no reason to live… and science that I trusted all my life was also not something I could hold on to… I couldn’t depend on something like science that would change every now and then to decide my eternity… I mean if science may not be true, then there might be a God… and if there is a God.. I wasn’t a believer… and if so.. then I might go to hell! So I need God when I am dead.. so that I can go to heaven…. But I also needed a God to live!!! Cause I couldn’t find any other reason in life… I needed someone to trust… And God was the only option left! Not even myself… but Jesus! I was in tears…. And I slept off…. Felt too tired… Im so glad I slept off cause I was even thinking of suicide… At times, when you have no answer, the easy way out is escape… and I wanted to escape through suicide… silly! I know!

Friend: hope the table didn’t break right through because of your tears, huh! So are you against science now??

Me: hahaha nah! itwas a strong table And nope, not against science… As long as science is an attempt to understand God’s creation…I love it!! But when it tries to get God out of the picture, it’s just a waste of time and money

Friend : hehehe.. okay.. continue…

Me : well then I had this dream… I was outside and its dark.. ans I saw a huge cup up in the sky and it was filled with some bluish blackish liquid… and there was a cat or a snake or a bat or … I mean all scary animals….I dont like cats either… I know some may disagree with cats being scary lolz.. But I just don’t like cats… anyways… in that dream I see all this.. and I feel so guilty…

Friend: ok nice zoo

Me: hehehe… yeah… and like as if I’m doomed… and that I deserved punishment or something… and then the cup was tilted… and the liqid starts to fall on me… I believe that represents the wrath of God or something… but then I woke up…

Friend: was it tastey? :p

Me: I somehow made the repenters prayer that day… I said, “Lord I know I have done many things wrong.. and I deserve hell!! But I want to change… I want someone to trust and I want to have a reason for living!! Jesus I want to give you a try!!”

Hehehe..

Nah!! I never had to taste it.. and Im glad… so I doubt if that was tasty.. lolz

Friend: but Jesus sure tasted nice alright?

Me: Yeah! I’ve tasted Jesus from that day… and boy-o-boy He’s so sweet…

He’s always been trustworthy…and faithful…:)

Friend: ah… so that was a dramatic story..

Me: hehehe yea… but I never really knew that the prayer I had made that day was anything significant… so I made a public stand much later… But yea it was a very dramatic story! And I love it, cause I got the revelation directly from Jesus… not through any person or a meeting or anything…

Friend: You baptised?

Me: Yep yep… took baptism even later.. cause dad’s permission was important!

Friend: strong foundation!!

Me: hehe yea… foundation is strong.. amen

Friend: ok.. so all of you now pentecostal?

Me: pentecostal?? Emm…. Yea..but no white dress.. and we do wear jewellery !!

Friend: hehe okay… so thats the journey from being a science freak to Jesus freak!

 

Do you have your Citizenship proof?

I saw a building overflowing with people and I was sure I had found the place I was looking for – the Passport Office! Got myself an application form from an old man and decided to take it back home to read it all in detail and bring all the documents required! And sure enough, there were many people (agents) tring to get my attention and ask for their help in filling up the form! I was already warned of such people. They might be a boon to many wealthy, no-time-in-hand people; but for a girl like me who had all the time in hand to spend waiting in the long queues in the passport office, and also the basic knowledge of English to read the instrucions and fill up the forms, these agents were just a hole in the pocket! So I refused their expensive offers politely and went back home. I did a thorough research about applying for a passport from the new website the passport office had started and also some practical info. from other friends and family who had experience in this area. Then I filled up the form and went to the office with all the documents I could think of to prove all that I had to prove about myself to be eligible to get myself a passport! A look at the queue in the office, I was reminded of biology… the diagram that shows the small intestines… and about how long the intestines are and yet how they curve all around and fit itself in the stomach area! Ahh… I always hated biology… and I always hated long queues… Anyways, I waited and waited and waited… for almost half a day( waiting any longer than half a day is a waste, because they will not accept your application after 1 pm anyways). But by God’s favour alone I got to the desk and put forward the form to the man at the counter. He looked at all my documents and said… ” you don’t have anything to prove your identity… your citizenship!” I was like “WHAT??? ” I had my birth certificate, my school certificates, I lived in india all my life, I studied in india all my life, I have my college identity card, I have a driving license… that should be good enough!! I have my ration card… what more do you want??? And about my identity!! well.. I am standing before you… what more do you want to now that I exist!!! But its like they say, “if the computer doesn’t say you exist… you just dont exist!!” How ridiculous!! So that man.. I wish I could call him a gentleman… told me.. that till I was 19 years old, all the above stated documents were enough… but I am one year older than 19… and now I need either my election identity card or a bank account that has been used for a year! “But there should be something else I could do…” I pleaded..” My bank account is just 5 months old and I don’t have an election id card cause I was not all that eager to vote… and if I have to apply for one… it’ll take a long time… but I need my passport soon… ” The man said that he is not the one who makes the rules around here and said “Next!! ” Argh!!! Well I thought its a democratic country… I have a part in making the rules too… and I think this rule is just… ahhh… terrible!! I couldn’t understand why they make such a big deal out of an election id card!! And if that id card is all that big a deal, they should provide provision to apply for it anytime …. not ones in a year!!! I mean, I have to wait for a whole year to get my id card… or I have to wait another 7 months so that my bank account has one years duration! Ahh… why didn’t I apply for an account in the bank when those people came to school and stuff? Hmm.. cause I got my pocket money and never thought of a bank account! Gosh!!

Anyways, when things go wrong, I look to my Lord who can make all things beautiful.. and He usualy teaches me something from such situations… He said:-

* If a democratic country has its rules to prove your citizenship, the “Kingdom” of God also has its rules…. and many who might have thought that they have the citizenship of heaven might realize it very late that they dont have the key documents to enter heaven. There are many who think if they do good, they will go to heaven.. but it is not so… because… all the good things that a man can do are like filthy rags before the Most Holy God! Its foolishness to think that we will enter heaven by being righteous through our deeds, cause we have all sinned and fallen short of His Glory! So the key is believe in the Lord Jesus Christ as the Son of the only true God and accept Him as your Lord (meaning “owner”) and saviour. Repent of all your sins and know that when Jesus died on the cross, he paid the price for all your sins, and if you ask him for forgiveness, He is faithful to forgive you and give you eternal life. So we get to heaven through Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and because of His Grace and Mercy! There are many who knew this good news and started living life as a true christian.. but on the way, they forget the key factors and lost their salvation… Many who preach and many who do miracles in the name of Jesus might not enter the Kingdom of God, because they loose the true Gospel (meaning “good news”) They forget that “By grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God; not of works, lest any man should boast” (Ephesians 2:8, 9).

So today, make sure that you have all that it takes to be a citizen of heaven. May it not be too late to know the documents you need! And don’t complain about rules and changing rules, cause unlike India which is a democracy, Heaven is a”Kingdom” and Jesus is seated on the throne… we dont get to make the rules… only He does.. and He is a good God… So just make a simple prayer to Him and get to heaven.

About my passport, well by the grace of God, this year the application to add the names to the voters list was too long that they decided to take in the application twice a year… so I will get my election id card in a few days time and then I should be eligible for my passport too. All Glory to God.